Memory Boxes and Keepsakes

What it is:
A box, tin, or folder where a young person collects objects that remind them of the person who has died - photos, drawings, clothing, letters, or everyday items with special meaning.

Why it helps in grief:
When someone dies, it can feel like their presence and your memories might slip away. A memory box creates a safe container that holds on to what endures — love, moments, and reminders of shared life. Looking inside can bring laughter, tears, and stories, making the relationship feel present again. It externalises grief while preserving continuity: the bond isn’t gone, but carried forward in a new form.

How to practice:
Encourage the young person to gather objects that feel significant. They may want to decorate the box or add notes, drawings, or labels. They can return to it whenever grief feels strong, or add new items on special days.

Tip for adults:
Be a quiet witness rather than directing. If invited, listen to the stories connected to the items and affirm how meaningful they are. If emotions overflow, reassure: “It makes sense this feels so big. It shows the depth of your love.”

Journals and Letters

What it is:
Writing in a journal or composing letters — to the person who died, to friends or family, or to oneself with kindness and support.

Why it helps in grief:
Grief is often tangled and contradictory — sadness and anger alongside moments of relief or even joy. Writing gives these feelings a safe outlet. Letters to the deceased can continue the relationship, giving voice to unsaid words. Journals help track how grief shifts over time. Writing to oneself can be an act of self-compassion, reminding the young person that their feelings are valid.

How to practice:
Offer a notebook or paper and suggest prompts such as: “What I miss most,” “What I wish I could tell you,” or “A memory that makes me smile.” Emphasise that grammar, spelling, or neatness don’t matter. Doodles or fragments are enough.

Tip for adults:
Respect privacy. Writing is most powerful when it feels safe. You might write alongside them, modelling that there are many ways to use words to express grief.

Playlists and Creative Expression

What it is:
Creating playlists of songs, or expressing grief through drawing, painting, music, dance, photography, or digital art.

Why it helps in grief:
Sometimes words fail. Art and music allow emotions to flow in color, rhythm, or sound. A playlist can keep alive songs the deceased loved, or capture the moods of grief. Creative expression externalizes what’s inside, while also offering beauty and agency in a time that feels out of control.

How to practice:
Invite the young person to gather songs that remind them of their person, or to paint, draw, or dance their emotions. These creations can be private, shared with trusted friends, or returned to when comfort is needed.

Tip for adults:
Provide space and materials without judgment. The process matters more than the product. Affirm their effort: “I can see how much of your heart is in this.”

Leaving Messages for Others to Find

What it is:
Writing a note, drawing, or message on a leaf, stone, or small piece of paper and leaving it in a public space — a park bench, a garden, or along a walking path — for someone else to discover.

Why it helps in grief:
Grief can feel isolating. This small act reminds young people that their words can ripple outward. Even anonymously, it creates a thread of connection with others. It externalizes feelings, honors the memory of the deceased, and gives back — which research shows can lift mood and ease stress.

How to practice:
Encourage writing something meaningful — a memory, a blessing, or a message of hope — then leaving it in a safe, public spot. Emphasize that the gift is in the giving, not expecting a reply. Reflect afterward on what it felt like to release the message.

Tip for adults:
Join in if appropriate. By modeling the ritual, you show that grief can be expressed silently and creatively, in ways that reach beyond oneself.

Time Capsules for Milestones

What it is:
Creating a “time capsule” — a box, envelope, or digital folder filled with letters, drawings, or small objects — to be opened on a future meaningful date (a birthday, graduation, or other milestone).

Why it helps in grief:
Loss often makes the future feel frightening or empty. A time capsule reminds young people that their relationship can grow forward, not just look back. It creates anticipation and a sense of continuity — something to carry their love into the years ahead. Opening it on a special day can be both painful and healing, reminding them that their connection still matters.

How to practice:
Invite them to write letters, draw pictures, or choose objects to include. They might write about who they are now, or what they hope for in the future. Seal the capsule and choose a date to open it.

Tip for adults:
Support the ritual without taking over. Acknowledge the emotions that surface when creating or later opening the capsule.

Gathering Stories from Others

What it is:
Collecting stories, memories, and perspectives about the person who died from friends, family, or community members.

Why it helps in grief:
Sometimes a young person didn’t know the deceased well, or wants to feel closer to them. Gathering stories builds connection and paints a fuller picture of who their person was — their quirks, kindnesses, humor, and impact on others. It transforms grief from silence into shared narrative, reinforcing that the person’s life continues to ripple outward.

How to practice:
Encourage them to ask relatives or friends to share memories. This can be done through conversations, voice recordings, or even a collaborative scrapbook. They might ask simple questions: “What’s your favorite memory of them?” or “What’s something they taught you?”

Tip for adults:
Facilitate gently — help arrange conversations, or write down stories if the young person wants. Affirm that every story, big or small, helps keep their person alive in memory.

Rituals of Presence

What it is:
Acts of remembrance that create a sense of ongoing presence — such as lighting candles, placing flowers, visiting a meaningful place, or planting something that grows.

Why it helps in grief:
Grief can make the world feel unstable and unsafe. Rituals provide grounding and continuity, offering structured ways to keep honoring the person who died. They affirm that love still has a place, and that remembrance can be woven into daily life.

   

How to practice:
Light a candle together, plant a tree, create a photo collage, or visit a place filled with memories. Repeat the ritual on anniversaries or whenever grief resurfaces.

Tip for adults:
Model that rituals can be both solemn and creative. Invite participation without pressure, making space for the young person’s own ideas.

Cooking and Shared Meals

What it is:
Preparing a meal that the deceased loved, creating a family recipe, or even putting together a small cookbook of memories and recipes connected to them.

Why it helps in grief:
Smell and taste are powerful triggers for memory. Cooking a loved one’s meal can bring back warm memories, stories, and feelings of connection. It’s a sensory way to honor them, making their presence tangible and comforting.

How to practice:
Choose a simple recipe connected to the person who died, or compile favorite recipes into a small collection. Invite the young person to participate if they wish, or observe if they prefer. Sharing the meal or looking at the cookbook can be a quiet act of remembrance.

Tip for adults:
Respect the young person’s pace and preferences — they might want to participate differently, or not at all. Emphasise that the activity is about connection and memory, not perfection.

Exploring Different Perspectives on Grief

What it is:
Explore spiritual, religious, philosophical, or natural perspectives on loss and mourning, with the young person.

Why it helps in grief:
Loss often raises big questions: “Why did this happen?” “What matters?” “Is there life after death?” Exploring different frameworks can help a young person find language, symbols, or practices that resonate with them. It encourages reflection, meaning-making, and connection to broader human experiences of grief, beyond their immediate feelings.

How to practice:

• Read age-appropriate texts, poems, or stories from spiritual or philosophical traditions about grief and life cycles.

• Explore nature as a metaphor: seasons, growth, decay, renewal.

• Discuss rituals, prayers, or customs from different cultures or religions.

• Encourage reflection or creative responses: journaling, drawing, or conversations about what resonates and why.

Tip for adults:
You don’t need to have all the answers. The goal is to offer options and perspectives, then listen as the young person engages with what feels meaningful to them. Respect their beliefs and preferences, and let them guide the exploration.

Reconnection and Community

What it is:
Engaging with supportive groups, peers, or activities to rebuild bonds disrupted by loss or trauma.

Why it helps in grief:
Trauma and grief often isolate, leaving a young person feeling separate from others. Reconnection restores safety, belonging, and shared humanity. As Judith Herman wrote: “Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging.” Community bears witness to pain and affirms dignity, helping to restore what grief can strip away.

How to practice:
Identify spaces that feel safe — sports, arts, faith groups, or online communities. Encourage joining grief groups or collaborative projects where sharing is welcomed.

Tip for adults:
Offer opportunities, but don’t force participation. Respect pacing and autonomy. Celebrate small steps toward reconnection.

Noticing Emotions and Mindfulness

What it is:
The practice of paying close attention to feelings as they arise — in the body, in the mind, and in the heart — without judging them or trying to push them away. Instead of running from painful feelings, mindfulness invites us to notice them gently, like watching waves on the shore: they come, they rise, they pass.

Why it helps in grief:
After a loss, emotions can feel enormous and confusing. A young person might feel sadness one moment, anger the next, then laughter, guilt, or even relief. These shifting states can be scary, especially if they seem “wrong” or too big to handle. Mindfulness teaches that all emotions are valid and temporary. By noticing and naming them, young people begin to see that feelings are not permanent storms but passing weather. This helps reduce shame (“I shouldn’t feel this way”), builds resilience (“I can handle these feelings”), and lowers the urge to escape into unhelpful coping strategies like screens, overeating, or risky behaviors.

It also fosters self-compassion. Instead of battling their own emotions, young people learn to befriend them — which softens the inner struggle and restores a sense of safety in their own body and mind.

How to practice:

• Body awareness: Invite the young person to pause and ask, “Where do I feel this in my body?” Maybe sadness is heavy in the chest, anger feels hot in the face, or anxiety is a tightness in the stomach. Simply noticing these sensations begins to ground the emotion.

• Naming feelings: Gently label the emotion, don’t try to explain it, or change it, just name it: “This is sadness.” “This is anger.” “This is longing.” Naming creates distance and helps them remember, I am not my feeling; I am noticing my feeling.

• Breath and acceptance: Guide them to breathe slowly into the place in the body where the feeling lives, saying silently, “It’s okay to feel this.” This turns toward the emotion with kindness rather than resistance.

• Curiosity practice: Encourage gentle inquiry: “What does this feeling want me to know?” Sometimes sadness wants rest, anger wants a boundary, or longing wants connection. Listening builds emotional literacy.

• Grounding tools: Offer simple anchors for when emotions feel overwhelming:

• Box breathing: Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4.

• 5-4-3-2-1 senses: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

• Mindful body scan: Slowly notice each part of the body, releasing tension with the breath.

Tip for adults:
The goal isn’t to erase emotions, but to make space for them — because grief, like love, needs room to move.