Keeping the framework of normal life intact when everything feels broken. Consistent routines, clear expectations, and protecting your teenager from having to be the adult. Structure is the container that holds them when their internal world is chaos.

What you can do

Maintain non-negotiable routines. Regular mealtimes, consistent bedtimes, school attendance. These aren't punishments, they're anchors. Even if they resist, these routines provide security when everything else is uncertain.

Model calm boundary enforcement. When they're angry or aggressive, recognize it's often rooted in feeling powerless. Set clear, firm limits - "You can't hurt yourself or others" - while offering safe outlets like sports, running, or physical activity. Calm curiosity, not punishment.

Give them choices where possible. The death stole their sense of control. Restore small pieces of it by letting them make age-appropriate decisions: which chore to do, whether to help plan a memorial, how to arrange their room. Control over small things helps when big things feel uncontrollable.

Keep expectations normal. They still need to do homework, show up for commitments, treat people respectfully. Lowering all standards signals "you're broken now." Normal expectations communicate: "I believe you can handle this."

Balance independence with availability. They're driven toward peers and privacy, that's healthy. Respect their need for space while staying emotionally available. Don't interpret withdrawal as not needing you. They need you to be steady and present even when they're pushing away.

Take care of yourself. You can't provide consistent structure when you're depleted. Getting support for your own grief isn't selfish, it's necessary. It models healthy coping and ensures you have the emotional energy to show up for them.

What this is NOT

It's not rigidity. Structure doesn't mean inflexibility. If they genuinely need a mental health day from school, that's okay. The goal is consistency, not control.

It's not punishment. Boundaries aren't about being harsh. They're about providing the framework that helps them feel safe when everything is chaotic.

It's not expecting them to be "normal." Maintaining structure while acknowledging their grief. They can have routines AND fall apart. Both can be true.