Grief is often misunderstood as a process of letting go. But actually, it is really important to acknowledge that we and our children continue to have a bond with the deceased, even when they are not here in physical form. This mindset can reassure teenagers that love doesn't end with death. In a world that suddenly feels uncertain, these connections  can offer comfort, guidance, and stability.

They become a resource, not just a reminder. Rather than being stuck in loss, these bonds offer guidance ("What would Dad say if I were nervous about this?"), comfort ("I can still feel Mum's love when I walk by the river"), and a way to honor values and shared passions.

What you can do

Memory boxes or keepsakes. Collect objects that remind them of the person, a scarf, a watch, a photo, a playlist, a ticket from a shared experience. This tangible connection gives grief a home and creates a space for remembrance.

Letters and messages. Writing letters to the deceased is a way to express feelings that might feel too heavy to say aloud. They can write about their day, their struggles, or the ways they wish their loved one were still present.

Acknowledge anniversaries and milestones. Birthdays, holidays, graduations, these can feel particularly painful after a loss. Create small rituals to honor the absent person: "It's your mum's birthday today. Would you like to light a candle together or write her a note?"

Storytelling and shared memories. Talk about the deceased openly. Share stories. Laugh at memories. This normalizes that you can hold love and loss simultaneously.

Creative expression. Drawing, music, dance, photography can become bridges to the deceased. A painting inspired by their loved one. A playlist of songs that remind them of their friend.

Ask, don't impose. Offer options and invitations rather than directives: "Would you like to make a memory box or just keep your own collection of things?"

Respect privacy. Some teenagers want to grieve alone or privately. You can support the bond without forcing interaction, leaving a candle lit, putting a photo in a visible space without commentary.

Model connection. Share your own stories and memories of the deceased. Show that it's okay to grieve openly while continuing with life.

Validate returning grief. They might feel waves of sadness years later. Reassure them: "Feeling sad on your brother's birthday doesn't mean you're not coping. It's a way of keeping your bond alive."

Create new rituals. Encourage personalized acts of remembrance—planting flowers, writing an annual letter, creating a small tradition that celebrates the person's life.

What this is NOT

It's not preventing them from moving forward. Continuing bonds don't keep people stuck. They allow life to move forward while carrying love with them.

It's not forcing remembrance. Some teenagers don't want memory boxes or rituals. That's okay. The bond might live internally, not through objects or actions. Respect their way.

It's not your way or no way. How you stay connected might look completely different from how they do. They might not want to visit the grave. They might find connection in unexpected places—nature, music, moments you don't see. Trust their process.

Watch for warning signs:

Sometimes, a teenager might obsessively hold onto memories of their loved one, listening to voice notes on repeat, spending hours looking through old footage. We need to make sure there is a balance between continuing bonds and letting go. So here are some warning signs for when you may need to help them to let go:

• Refusing to acknowledge any negative aspects of the person or relationship

• Spending hours daily in the deceased's room, unable to engage with life

• Using memories as a reason to avoid new relationships or experiences

• Denying the reality of the death ("They're just away")

If continuing bonds are interfering with functioning rather than supporting it, that may indicate complicated grief that needs professional support.

From young people who've been there:

E, 23, who lost her mum at 20: "I wear the perfume that she wore… because then there's a part of her with me. Reminiscing on childhood experiences… laughing about it… that is definitely the most comforting. I do the day-to-day things to try and remember her instead of trying to forget."

Z, 24, who lost his dad at 17: "A really big factor that helped me stay connected to my dad was having some of his belongings. I could always wear them when I felt like I needed him with me. I always thought about what he would do or think… and that helped me feel like I was making the right choices."

S, 22, who lost her brother to suicide: "When I see nature, like birds, dirt biking trails, or organised spaces… I kind of feel his presence. It's really important to me that my nephew knows who his dad was, what his interests were."

Grief is not about forgetting; it's about holding on in new ways. Their absence doesn't erase their impact. Their memory can guide, comfort, and inspire them as they grow.