Grief is not just about enduring pain; it’s also an invitation to explore life in new ways. Young people, especially those between 11 and 24, are already asking big questions: Who am I? What matters? What kind of person do I want to become? When someone they love dies, these questions intensify. Loss forces them to confront life’s fragility and uncertainty, and adults can guide them in exploring these questions safely and gently. As Elisabeth Kübler-Ross reminds us, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” Meaning-making helps young people glimpse the possibilities of resilience, strength, and a life that embraces both love and loss - not by moving past grief, but by learning to live fully alongside it.

Key principles for adults:

• Curiosity over answers: Meaning doesn’t come from adults telling young people what to believe or how to grieve. It comes from helping them explore their own answers. You might ask, “What does your friend’s memory inspire you to do differently?” or “What about them do you want to carry forward in your life?”

• Reflection through creativity: Encourage activities that help them externalise their thoughts and feelings. Journaling, art, music, or even role-playing can allow grief to be expressed and explored in ways words alone often cannot. For example, a teen could create a scrapbook of shared experiences, noting not just what happened but what those moments meant to them.

• Link to values and identity: Grief can illuminate what matters most. Adults can gently guide reflection: “How has losing them changed how you see the world or what’s important to you?” Over time, these reflections can shape their emerging sense of self and their personal values.

• Gradual integration: This isn’t a one-time conversation. Grief’s questions arise in waves, sometimes years after the death. Being available to revisit meaning-making conversation, without pressure, lets young people slowly integrate the loss into their worldview.

Example: A young person might say, “I don’t know why they had to die.” Rather than giving a philosophical answer, an adult could respond, “It’s okay not to know. What matters is how you want to remember them, and what you want their life to teach you.” This shifts the focus from despair to action, reflection, and personal meaning.

Growing Around Grief: Living and Adapting After Loss

Grief never fully disappears, but young people can learn to grow around it, making space for joy, curiosity, and connection alongside the ongoing sense of loss. Adults play a crucial role in modelling and supporting this adaptive process.

Key principles for adults:

• Model resilience and curiosity: It’s powerful for a young person to see an adult grieving with courage and reflection. Sharing your own feelings without burdening them demonstrates that grief is a lifelong journey, not a failure or weakness.

• Celebrate milestones with awareness: Major life events graduations, birthdays, and first jobs, can reopen grief. Adults can normalise these feelings while supporting new experiences. For instance: “I know your dad isn’t here for your graduation, and it’s okay to feel sad. How might we include a memory of him as you celebrate?”

• Encourage flexibility in coping: Growth comes from experimenting with ways to honour the deceased, express emotions, or engage in life. A young person might write a letter, plant a tree, or volunteer in memory of their loved one. Encourage them to try different approaches, knowing there’s no “right” way.

• Recognise the long-term journey: Adulthood is full of new roles, relationships, and responsibilities. Grief evolves alongside these changes. Adults can remind young people that it’s natural for grief to resurface unexpectedly and that each revisit is a normal part of growth: “It’s okay that you feel sad again, it shows how much you loved them, and you’re learning to live with that love in new ways.”

Example: A young person may feel anxious about their first solo travel after losing a parent. Instead of minimising their fear, an adult can validate it and help them plan: “It makes sense to feel nervous. What’s one thing you could do that would make you feel connected to them while you’re away?”

Core takeaway:
Meaning-Making and Growing Around Grief are about integration, reflection, and adaptation. While witnessing, normalisation, and compassionate communication create safety, these sections guide young people in actively exploring the significance of their loss and learning to move forward without forgetting. They are the bridge from survival to living a meaningful life with grief as a companion rather than a barrier.