Teens, in particular, already feel like outsiders. Grief can double that sense of being “different.”

Normalisation is about saying: “What you are feeling makes sense. You’re not broken. You’re grieving.”

What you can do

Reframe their behavior as grief. When they're angry, withdrawn, or falling apart at school, name it: "It makes sense you're angry. When someone we love dies, it shakes everything." This shifts it from "you're being difficult" to "you're grieving."

Name the emotional chaos. Laughing one moment, crying the next, then feeling nothing. Say: "Grief comes in waves. Your brain can only hold intense pain for so long before it needs a break. This switching is normal."

Normalise physical symptoms. When they can't concentrate, forget things, or have headaches, say: "Lots of people find it hard to focus after a loss. Your body is working incredibly hard right now. This isn't laziness."

Normalise "negative" feelings. Anger at the person who died. Relief. Guilt. Numbness. Say: "Sometimes grief feels like anger, or numbness, or even relief. That doesn't mean you didn't love them."

Normalise seeming fine. If they seem okay, say: "Some people are naturally resilient. You're allowed to be fine. And if grief hits later, that's normal too."

Normalise grieving someone they barely knew. If the relationship was distant or they were very young, say: "You can grieve what could have been, the relationship you won't get to have. That's real loss."

Anticipate future waves. Before birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, say: "Your mom's birthday is coming up. It's natural to feel emotional. This doesn't mean you're back at the beginning, it's just another wave."

Share stories. Without making it about you, you might say: “When I lost someone, I also had days where I felt totally numb. It’s a common part of grief.”

Bring in resources. Books, quotes, even short videos from others who have grieved can show them they’re not alone. (Gary Roe’s writings often resonate with teens.)

What this is NOT

It's not minimising. Normalising doesn't mean "everyone goes through this, so it's no big deal." It means "what you're experiencing is a natural response to unbearable loss."

It's not toxic positivity. You're not telling them to look on the bright side or find the silver lining. You're acknowledging that their pain makes sense.

It's not permission for harmful behavior. Normalszing anger doesn't mean accepting violence. You can say "It makes sense you're furious" while still setting boundaries: "And you can't hurt yourself or others."

It's not a one-time conversation. They need to hear this repeatedly. Once isn't enough. Grief keeps shifting, and they need ongoing reassurance that whatever new thing shows up is also normal.

💡 Takeaway for adults:

Normalisation is about lifting shame off grief. It tells the young person: “You are not crazy. You are grieving, and everything you feel is part of that.” When we normalize their experience, we don’t minimize it , we validate it, holding their pain as something worthy of care and respect.

In conversation with young people:

S,22, lost brother to suicide:

“Step away, take time for myself, take some space… ultimately, it became very overwhelming and I was unable to regulate my emotional response in that moment. Then and now I just know, it's okay to step back and feel what I need to feel.”

“There are so many different feelings that the word grief encompasses and all of these feelings are valid… you just have to go with the waves and process it, how your body and mind decide to process it.”

“Guilt is a natural feeling in that process, but don't let that guilt stop you from living your life and moving forward.”

H, 18, lost a friend when he was 8 and grandmother when he was16

“I think it’s important to have something that shows, especially for males, that it’s okay to feel bad and okay to talk about it. Knowing there’s someone there for you, or having resources that help you work through your feelings in a positive way, can make a real difference. That kind of supportive environment would be really helpful.”