Many societies, especially in the West, are deeply uncomfortable with death, grief, and mortality. We hide death away in hospitals and funeral homes, we use euphemisms like “passed away”, and we reward people for “getting back to normal” quickly.  This silence comes from what psychologists call terror management theory: when we’re reminded of death, we’re reminded of our own mortality, and that can be terrifying. So, as a culture, we push grief away, hoping that by avoiding it, we won’t have to face our own vulnerability.

Alongside this, young people often face the cultural pressure to be happy, productive, and resilient. From social media to school environments, there’s an unspoken rule that you should smile, keep going, and “stay positive.” But grief doesn’t follow those rules. When a young person can’t match the expected cheerfulness, they may start to feel broken, ashamed, or out of step with everyone else.

Adults can help by pushing back against this cultural avoidance:

• Use clear words like death and died.

• Make it safe to speak about the person and the loss.

• Push back gently against toxic positivity by affirming that grief isn’t something to “get over”, it’s something to live with.

• Create spaces where sadness, anger, and longing are as welcome as laughter or joy.

• Keep rituals of remembrance alive, showing that love doesn’t expire.

When you allow a grieving young person to show up as they really are, without forcing happiness, you counteract a culture that often denies pain. In doing so, you give them permission to be whole grief, love, laughter, and all.