When someone dies, a family doesn’t grieve “together” in a single way. Each person has their own relationship to the person who died, their own history, coping style, and developmental stage. One child may cry openly, another may bury themselves in schoolwork, and another may act out, and all of these are authentic expressions of grief.

Problems arise when families compare grief responses or expect others to grieve the same way they do.

There is no “hierarchy” or “correct” way to grieve. Differences don’t mean one person loved more or less; they mean each person is finding their own way through the storm.

• Parallel grief journeys: Families grieve side by side, not in lockstep. One person may need to talk constantly, while another withdraws. These paths can intersect at times, but they won’t be identical.

• Misunderstandings are common: Silence can be read as coldness, activity as avoidance, anger as blame. Naming this dynamic aloud, “We’re all grieving differently”, can reduce resentment.

• Young people often feel unseen: In families, adult grief sometimes takes centre stage. Teens and young adults may minimise their own pain to protect parents, or they may act out to express what they can’t say. Adults who pause to notice and name the young person’s grief (“I see how hard this is for you too”) give them permission to be in the circle of mourning.

Young people often turn to peers for support, yet friends may not know how to respond or may avoid talking about the loss. Teens may feel isolated if peers minimise the grief or expect them to “move on” quickly. Adults can help by validating peer experiences, encouraging safe sharing, and connecting them with supportive friends or youth groups where grief is understood.