What Young People Want Adults to Know

“Show it. Let kids see that this stuff is just part of life. Don’t totally fall apart and make it overwhelming, but also don’t act like a robot. If you’re too stoic and pretend nothing’s wrong, it makes the whole thing feel fake — and it can make kids feel bad for being emotional. Kids copy their parents. If parents just bottle everything up and refuse to talk about it, kids learn to do the same. And that’s not healthy. Instead, show them better ways to deal with it. Say things like, “Yeah, this happened. We can’t change it. It’s okay to feel sad. Let’s talk about it.” That actually teaches them how to handle grief in a real way. With a five-year-old, yeah — you kind of have to be the steady one. But with teenagers? They need honesty. They need to see you being real. Whatever grief you’re carrying, you can show it. That’s what makes it human.”

“Yes. But maybe not with a really young kid. If you completely break down in front of a five-year-old, it can feel like their whole world is falling apart. They need to feel safe. With teenagers though? Yeah. It actually helps. It reminds you that your parents are people too — not just these emotionless authority figures. They have feelings, they struggle, and they’re human.”

“Be gentle and open. Be honest — but you don’t have to spill every single detail. Let kids use whatever words they want to explain how they’re feeling. If they say something in a weird or unexpected way, don’t shut it down. Ask them later what they meant. Try to understand where it’s coming from. Listen first. Like, actually listen. Don’t talk down to them or pretend they won’t notice what’s going on. They can tell when things feel different. Acting like everything’s normal when it’s not just makes it worse. Be empathetic. Show that you get it. Say things that prove you’re trying to understand. And don’t dodge the topic. Avoiding it doesn’t protect them — it just makes it feel more confusing and awkward.”

"Give them space. Actually mean it. Say, “If you need space, that’s okay. But I’m here whenever you want to talk.” And then stick to that." "Share your own feelings too. Tell your stories. Let them see how you’re dealing with stuff. Not in a dramatic way — just real. Say, “This is hard. And yeah, it sucks. But we still have to live. We’ll figure it out together. I’ll be here while we try to get through it.” Pay attention to what they’re doing. If they suddenly stop trying in school, can’t focus around friends, or pull away from everything, that’s not random. That’s something. Notice it. Don’t ignore it. Be emotionally available. Show your struggles in a healthy way. If you talk about having a tough day at work, it makes it easier for them to talk about struggling at school. It kind of opens the door. A lot of the time, they want space — but they also want you there. Real support isn’t forcing conversations. It’s respecting their boundaries while staying close enough that they know they’re not alone."

"Physical stuff matters more than people think. Hugs. A hand on their shoulder. Just sitting close. It says a lot without needing a whole speech. When they’re talking, actually show you care. Lean in. Make eye contact. Don’t scroll your phone. React to what they’re saying. Let them see you appreciate that they even opened up. Make time for proper one-to-one time. Not just being in the same house — actually spending time together. And honestly? The practical stuff can matter the most. Just showing up. Making them food. Washing their clothes. Getting them out of the house when they’re stuck in their head. Going for a walk with them. Helping them do normal things again. That kind of support gives relief. It’s like a break from the heaviness. It helps them feel a bit normal again, even if everything still hurts."

"If a teenager doesn’t want something, don’t just force it. They need some control over when and how they get support. But if you genuinely think they’re not okay, you might need to gently push. Not in a controlling way — just steady and supportive. Lead by example. Be honest about your own struggles and say when you’re getting help. That makes it way easier for them to do the same. Put helpful options in front of them, but don’t shove it down their throat. Leave it there so they can choose it when they’re ready. And remember — depression or social anxiety can make even small steps feel impossible. So support has to be simple and low-friction. Easy access, clear info, no complicated processes. The harder it feels, the less likely they are to reach for it."

"Let them go. Let them see how many people cared. Seeing that kind of love and community can actually mean a lot. If it’s a really young kid — especially if it’s a parent who’s died — you might need to think more carefully. That can be overwhelming at that age. But for teenagers? They should be given the choice. A lot of them want to go. For some, it’s important to actually see it — to understand that the person has died. It makes it real. And going to funerals as a teenager doesn’t automatically mess you up. For many people, it doesn’t have a negative impact at all. The key thing is preparation. Don’t just drag them there. Explain what’s going to happen. What the room will look like. Who will be there. If there’s a coffin. If people might cry. Ask them if they feel okay about going — and let them change their mind. Have a proper conversation about why it matters. Not in a preachy way, but in a real way. If you believe there’s something spiritual about it — like it’s not the end — say that. Share what it means to you. Let them figure out what it means to them."

"Be honest about your feelings. Don’t pretend. If you’re thinking about them, say it — that makes remembering normal. With teenagers, talk openly. If a birthday or anniversary is coming up, ask if they want to do something. But if they don’t bring it up, you don’t have to force it. On the day, stay supportive and close — in whatever way they’re comfortable with. Don’t let it become this unspoken heavy thing. Acknowledge it. Do something small to honour them. Just enough to show they still matter."

"Check in. Ask if they want to talk about it. Let them know you’re there if they do — no pressure. Talking matters because it shows it’s okay to bring the person up. But that doesn’t mean you have to make it a daily thing. It’s about openness, not constant focus. Keep their name in the family. Don’t avoid the subject. Share memories. Tell stories. Laugh. Smile. Even cry — but in a way that feels warm, not just heavy. It honours them. And it actually helps people move forward, not stay stuck."