What helps?
Things that actually make a difference.
There's no magic potion for grief.
But there are definitely things that can help you, small things you can do that will make this more bearable.
Staying connected with the person who died
You probably haven't let go of the person who died. You might still talk to them, keep their things close, ask yourself what they would have wanted, think about them constantly.
When someone dies, the relationship doesn't end. It changes. Grief researchers call this continuing bonds. You don't have to detach from them or let go of them to grieve properly. In fact, for many young people, staying connected to the person they've lost is exactly what helps them keep going. You're not stuck in the past. You're finding a way to carry them with you.
I wear the perfume that she wore… because then there's a part of her with me. Reminiscing on childhood experiences… laughing about it… that is definitely the most comforting.
— E, 23, who lost her mum at 20
A really big factor that helped me stay connected to my dad was having some of his belongings. I could always wear them when I felt like I needed him with me.
— Z, 24, who lost his dad at 17
When I see nature, like birds, dirt biking trails, or organised spaces… I kind of feel his presence.
— S, 22, who lost her brother
There's no right way to do this. Some people keep objects, write letters, visit somewhere that mattered, make a playlist of their songs, cook their favourite meal, light a candle on their birthday. Others carry this connection privately, internally.
And if you don't want to do any of these things yet, that's really ok.
One thing worth being gentle with yourself about: if you find that grief is stopping you from any new experiences, relationships, or connections, if it's become something that closes life down rather than carrying them through it, that might be a sign the grief has become too heavy to hold alone. You might need extra support. Our resources page includes organisations and services that may be able to help.
Lonelines, or feeling like you are on a different planet from everyone else
Your friends might be stressed about exams or relationship drama while you're trying to survive something life-changing. That gap is real, and it can feel incredibly lonely, like you are living on a different planet from everyone else.
You might pull away from family because everything feels too raw, and you might feel disconnected from friends because they don't really get it. Caught between two worlds, not quite belonging to either.
Friends might not know what to say, so they say nothing. Teachers might read your exhaustion or lack of concentration as not trying. You might feel like you've been permanently labelled the kid whose parent died and can't find your way back to just being you.
That feeling won't last forever. Many young people eventually find people who understand, sometimes in unexpected places, and often through honesty and shared experience.
A few things that can actually help
With friends
You don't owe anyone a full explanation of how you're feeling. If someone asks how you are and you don't know what to say, you can just say "I'm managing" or "I don't really want to talk about it right now." That's enough. You get to decide how much you share and when.
At school
It helps to have one person in that space who knows what you're going through - a teacher, a tutor, a pastoral worker, a coach. Not someone to talk to every day necessarily. Just someone who knows, so you don't have to pretend quite so hard on difficult days.
Online
Social media can genuinely help — finding other young people who've been through something similar, communities where people actually get it, content that makes you feel less weird about what you're feeling. But it can also make things worse, for example comparing your life to all these other people who seem so happy.
Following Instagram pages or podcasts about grief helped me feel like I wasn't weird… like someone understood the little day-to-day things.
— E, 23, who lost her mum
Feeling connected to people around you
One of the things that helps most in grief is surprisingly simple: having someone around who doesn't need you to be okay. Someone who sits with you, stays present, and doesn't flinch when things feel hard. Someone who lets you talk about the person who died, or not talk about them. Someone who can watch a film with you in silence and just be there.
That might sound like a small thing, but when you're grieving, being around someone who doesn't change the subject or tell you to cheer up can make an enormous difference. It can make the weight feel just a little more bearable.
Even if you don't have a great conversation with somebody… but knowing they're there for you, just internally, it makes you feel like you're not alone.
— S, 21, who lost her grandmother
People listening to me helped, but also… watch a movie and just not talk about it, was really helpful.
— S, 22, who lost her brother
If you're not sure who that person is yet, that's okay. It might be a family member, a friend, a teacher, or a counsellor. It might be someone you haven't leaned on before. Sometimes grief shows us who can really show up, and you might be surprised.
And over time, having even one person who truly gets it can slowly make the world feel a little safer again.
Small practices for taking care of your grief
Grief doesn't feel the same every day. What helps when you're flooded and overwhelmed is different from what helps when everything feels flat and empty. Here are some things that actually work, matched to how you might be feeling right now.
When you want to feel less alone in it
Find someone who's been through something similar. Other young people who've lost someone understand things that even the people closest to you can't fully reach. That might be a peer support group, an online community, or just one person at school who gets it. The research is clear on this: for young people especially, connection with peers who understand is the single most powerful thing for grief.
When you're overwhelmed and can't think straight
Move. Anything. Walk around the block. Put music on and just move your body a little. Run if you can. Grief lives in your nervous system, not just your mind, and movement is one of the fastest ways to bring your body back to somewhere you can breathe again.
When you need to say something you can't say out loud
Write it. A letter to them. A journal entry. Fragments. It doesn't need to be neat. It just needs to be honest.
When you want to feel close to them without it being painful
Ask someone who knew them for a story. What's your favourite memory of them? What did they teach you? You're expanding who they are to you, building a fuller picture of them beyond what you personally knew.
When you want to mark a moment — a birthday, an anniversary, an ordinary day that suddenly isn't
Create a small ritual. Light a candle. Cook their favourite meal. Make a playlist of songs they loved and share with someone. Visit somewhere that mattered. These are moments of active remembering, where love has somewhere to go and grief has a container rather than flooding everything at once.
If I just sit there and don't do anything, then I spiral… but if I do something, like go on a walk or spend time with family, you're still grieving but you're moving forward too.
— L, 20, who lost her grandfather
If you'd like to explore further, we have a collection of grief activities and practices with more ideas for coping, remembering, and taking care of yourself. Browse them on your own or with someone you trust, and keep only what feels helpful.
Some days none of these will help much. Some days something very small will. Grief changes constantly, what helps one week might not the next. That's not you doing it wrong. That's just grief.